Out of the loop....

I don't really like being out of the loop. It's not that I need to know everything, because I don't. Sometimes, you just can't help but worry, especially if the person concerned is someone you care about.

Aside from worrying about whatever situation it is that's troubling that person, sometimes you can't help but think of all sorts of reasons why you're being shut out. Of course, that may not necessarily be the case, but still...the fact is you're in the dark, you don't know what the problem is, and no one is telling you.

I'm not making a big deal out of this. I don't want to do that anymore. Making a mountain out of a molehill involves a lot of aggravation and frustration, not just on my part, but on the other person as well, and I would like to save myself as well as that other person from that bother if I could.

It's still hard though. Not knowing.

If you're paranoid like me, sometimes you can't help but think of worst case scenarios. People tell me I'm too negative, or too pessimistic, but for some morbid or masochistic reason I prefer to prepare for the worst. I don't like terrible things happening, but what's worse than terrible things happening, is being caught flat-footed by those terrible things.

And the worst case scenario for me is...well...I don't really want to discuss it here. Suffice it to say that I've considered the possibility, and I dread the day that it happens. Will it happen? I don't know. The possibility is not zero though. In fact it could a lot higher than zero. It may even be a certainty that I just don't want to admit to myself. Whatever, what will be will be. I'm going overboard though, jumping to worst case scenarios like that. It could be something benign. I just don't know...and that's the annoying bit. Just not knowing.

I'm really not used to worrying about another person. It's been so long since I last experienced this. But I guess that's inevitable if you're really concerned over that other person.

Well, all I can do is just hope for the best. For now, it's not as if I can do anything else...